My Labor Experience: Part 3

I felt really good about pushing for the first bit, and I was very confident! I figured he was going come out easy and quickly. Since I had my crazy strong contractions behind me to help push him out. Boy was I wrong! I can say without a doubt, that what I experienced next was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  

Pushing became more difficult the longer I went at it. I had to draw more focus than I anticipated to this task. I tried really hard but he seemed to want to stay put! He was still very low and he was close to coming out, but it was hard to get past that point. 

This was like nothing that I have ever experienced before! The pressure that I felt before got stronger during each contraction. I could also feel the epidural wearing off a bit. Which was a good thing because it helped me feel those urges even stronger.  But I still can't believe the force that is behind those contractions!

I was giving it 100% of my focus! But things just didn't seem to be going as quickly as I thought. So we just kept pushing. Time seemed to stand still. I had no idea how long we had been going, but I wasn't thinking about that. I just wanted him out!

I don't remember how things changed so quickly after that first bit of pushing, but things got real. I started pushing as hard as I could. I don't think he was much closer to coming out, but something switched in my brain that sent into the most determined mode I have ever been in! My Mom was there counting down from 10 during each push and she was amazing! I responded so well to her coaching me. She fed me water in between pushes, and reminded me to breath deeply. Looking at her, I could tell she was just as focused as I was haha! Steve held my hand most of the time, and then passed that job along to Mom or Ash so he could get ready to catch Graham when the time came. They were all giving me great feedback about how I was doing, but not so much about him being close yet. Come on, anytime!

After a while I was getting so exhausted. I wasn't getting much air, since I had been breathing hard for so long. I thought my head was about to explode, but I didn't let that cause me to push any less. I was giving it all of my energy! It got to the point where I was going out of consciousness for little bit. That kind of freaked my family out. But Laura had me take a break for a couple contractions to regain some energy.

Once my break was over I was even more dedicated than ever before! I was giving it all I had! I have never been so concentrated on anything in my entire life! Every fiber in my entire body was geared to pushing this baby out! I think my adrenaline was at an all time high, and part of me thinks I went a little crazy. Finally, I saw Ashley's face light up and she said he was starting to come out and he had hair!! Tons of it! Nurses started pouring in and end was close!

Once I knew this, there was no way was I holding back any more energy!  If I thought I was giving it my all before, I was wrong. This was when I realized I had something in me that is special. A feeling of sacrifice that I was more than willing to give! Annnnd thats's when I turned purple and broke a couple blood vessels in my face.

There was a lot of noise now. With nurses talking, my family excitedly giving me updates, and my midwife telling me to push! I could tell that he was almost out! And then...

Just like that, he was here!!! After a whopping 17 hours of labor. He was the most beautiful thing I have seen in my life! Covered in vernix and all :) 

Steve was able to catch Graham and deliver him the rest of the way out, and they placed him on me right away! I have never cried so hard in my entire life. I held him on me and touched his face and just couldn't believe it! Hearing him cry for the first time was so incredible! I didn't know what real joy felt like until now. The love started pouring in instantly and it was nothing I could have expected! I was so emotionally and spiritually taken by this experience. Completely taken, and this little angel had stolen my heart! This moment really was like heaven. Truly. 

After all my hard work he was finally here, and it happened so quickly it seemed. Turns out I had been pushing for 2 hours! I had no idea it took that long. But I did know that it took everything I had emotionally and physically to deliver him, and the reward was unlike anything I could have ever imagined. 

Steve came over moments after delivering him and he just fell in love with this little guy too! We were both so happy! We were a little family now!

He stayed with me for a couple minutes while I just cried and cried. After a little while, they took him to the other side of the room to get cleaned off and weighed. Laura got to work stitching me so fast, I didn't even notice it at all! Fine by me! I watched while Steve Facetimed his parents and my family at the same time (my Mom holding phones in both hands haha!) introducing them to our new little guy! And they all just adored him. How amazing that we could share that moment with them! We are so lucky with technology these days!

Graham Bradley Smith :) Born October 27th. 7 lbs 13 oz, and 20.5 inches long and a very healthy baby boy! Being born is rough business! Poor little guy totally came out with a cone head haha! 

This auntie worked hard! She's so proud! 

I did not know how much I could love this man until he held his boy for the first time. I felt like my heart was going to burst!  

I love this. My Mom is amazing! 

My turn again :) 

He didn't cry much at all after he got all cleaned up. We just hugged, kissed, and loved on this brand new little person. After we finished Facetiming our families we all took a second to relax. It was getting late in the evening and none of us really had any sleep. I for one was starving. I hadn't eaten anything for close to 24 hours. I had a whole menu to choose from at this hospital, and it all looked so good! So naturally I ordered a lot of it :) The mashed potatoes, ravioli pasta, apple juice, and a berry smoothie are what I remember the most out of my cluster of random dishes. So good.

I needed food bad because I felt my body going into shock. I was shaking like mad! I couldn't stop shaking if I tried! I was fine, but I was just surprised by that. Makes sense though! I just went through the hardest thing my body has ever experienced! It was brought to my attention pretty quickly that I was now in recovery mode. Lots of physical recovery was ahead of me, but I needed emotional recovery too! Everything was just so overwhelming. 

The nurses helped get me ready to head out to the recovery room, where we would be staying for the next day or so. It was probably getting close to 8:00 and we were ready for sleep.  Mom and Ashley decided to spend the night at home, and they would join us again the next morning. 

Our little family getting wheeled out! My legs were still numb from the epidural and I couldn't walk quite yet. But I was totally fine with getting special treatment from my hubs  :) 

You know that feeling that people talk about after they have babies, when they get home and have a "what do we do now" moment? Well, I had that moment that night. After we got to the recovery room and were all situated, I noticed that Steve and I were now the only people in the room. Our nurses that had helped us all were gone, Laura had left, and Mom and Ashley were driving home.  It was literally just Steve and I.  We would be having someone check on us every two hours for that night, but that was it! It was just a weird feeling because we went from about 6 people helping us, to none in an instant. And I got a little worried! What if I did something wrong?!  What if  I didn't feed him enough, or what if he needed me and I wouldn't wake up because I was so tired. More "what if's" ran through my head. But when I saw Steve holding him on the little couch by the window, all my fears left me! 

I had Steve with me to take care of this little spirit. I wasn't alone! We had each other and more importantly we had Heavenly Father with us. He trusted us to take care of his innocent little spirit, and He knew that we would do anything for Graham! I just needed to be reminded of that and have faith in myself that I know what I am doing. Our parenting instincts kicked in that night as we took turns rocking him, burping him, and changing his diaper :) And though we didn't sleep much, we had a wonderful time together as a family. 

The next morning was very busy! While doctor after doctor, and nurse after nurse came in to take our vitals, give us shots, and do basic screening and tests. At this rate we were going to be ready to leave the hospital around 6:00 that evening! Yahoo!! Poor Steve messed up his back while sleeping on the couch in our room. So we were happy to be in our own bed that night. 

Mom and Ashley joined us that morning and we spent it admiring Graham, dressing him up, and brushing that long beautiful hair! I love it so much haha! I ordered more food from the hospital menu, and we had a fun time trying out all the different dishes they had. Of course I ordered a lot haha. We spent the day time Skyping our families again, and we had Joel and Abby visit us to meet Graham! It was so fun to share him with them all!! 

Theres one super happy Daddy! 

All ready to go home! 

Well, that's it for now. The spare moment I'm using to write this all down, is up. Graham needs me :) I didn't leave out much from the story because I want to remember as much as I can! This day was so special to me. It's been almost three weeks since this all happened and our lives have changed so much! Steve and I are so lucky to be called parents to Graham. As hard as labor was for me, it was the most rewarding thing I have ever done. This might be the end of my labor experience, but our life with Graham has only begun!!